Dating Advice: Love Shouldn’t Hurt
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“Because when pain has been intertwined with love and closeness,
it’s very difficult to believe that love and closeness can be
experienced without pain.”
-Gloria Steinem, “Revolution from Within.”
If you tend to attract men who disappoint you (by cheating on
you, not showing up when they say they will, or just refusing to
get off the couch), you may be confusing love with pain.
So many of us have been brought up to believe that pain is
normal, even expected, in a love relationship. Without it, the
relationship seems flat, boring. We crave drama. (Why is it that
so many women have great sex after a fight with a significant
other?)
A happy, loving relationship eludes us because we don’t
recognize it when we see it, or because we simply believe it’s
not possible (News Flash: According to a recent Today Show, all
men lie. All of them! I wasn’t aware that men have a monopoly on
lying or other bad behavior. I know some women who are
breathtaking liars. Don’t you?).
According to the media, men are incapable of remembering
birthdays, being monogamous, getting through a weekend unless
they’re transfixed before a marathon of football games. Women
internalize these messages: That’s the way men are. That’s the
way life is. Get over it.
And while the media is happy to sell us the myth of the
unattainable happy relationship, some of us have come to believe
in it because of our own experiences.
Some of us:
(a) Had parents who treated each other indifferently, (b) had
parents who outright hated each other, (c) had fathers who
ignored us as children, (d) had a parent who suffered from
alcoholism, (e) had mothers who would rather have been doing
something else, or (f) had a parent who suffered from a mental
illness.
And so, we learned to associate love with pain. It’s all we knew.
Others among us grew up in perfectly happy homes with parents
who loved each other and delighted in us, but we still managed
to:
(a) Internalize negative messages we heard from our friends’
parents who were unhappily married, or
(b) Internalize negative messages we saw elsewhere (I know a
woman who, during her impressionable teenage years, babysat for
a couple who gave each other the silent treatment and expected
her to relay messages. She also babysat for another family,
where the father once came home early and started reading a porn
magazine!).
As a result of this programming, we set low bars for the
behavior we’ll accept from boyfriends or husbands. Hey, it’s
better than being alone, right?
Wrong.
If you’re putting up with substandard behavior from men, make
decision to stop. Refuse to date anybody until you attract a man
who makes your happiness a priority. Trust me; such a man will
come into your life and stay there.
Treat him as you have come to expect him to treat you, which
means with affection, respect, and consideration. Does this
sound boring to you? If it does, please examine your feelings
about relationships and see if they haven’t determined the kind
of men you attract.
You see, once you stop dating men who disappoint you but excite
you, you can make room for a guy who loves you the way you
deserve to be loved–and who excites you. Love and excitement
are important, but if they’re accompanied by pain, something’s
wrong. You’ll never be truly happy with a guy who lets you down.
Ask yourself, “Where did I ever get the idea that love has to
hurt?”
Give yourself time to come up with the answers. Take stock of
whether your relationship is worth saving. If you speak up, will
it make a difference? If not, are you willing to make room for a
man who will love you and make you laugh instead of cry for a
change?
About the author:
Terry Hernon MacDonald is the author of “How to Attract and
Marry the Man of Your Dreams.” Sign up for free dating tips at
http://www.marrysmart.com . Check out her blog at
http://happygirlmusing.blogspot.com .
Cousins takes off for secret drug rehabThe Australian, Australia – Mar 29, 2007Cousins’ exile into rehab comes as the focus on his drug-taking shifts away from his hectic life after dark to whether he could have used either cocaine or .
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Alcoholism Signs And Symptoms You Should Know
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Tag: Drug Addiction Rehab
Alcoholism signs and symptoms are clues that alcohol may be a problem. If left untreated, alcoholism signs and symptoms and alcoholism can affect the quality of life of the person as well as those around them. Alcoholism is a disease where alcohol consumption (beer, wine, or hard liquor) is at a level that interferes with the person’s physical and mental health, and negatively impacts family, social or work responsibilities.
Alcoholism symptoms can be recognized relatively early in the disease’s progression, but if not dealt with, alcoholism can be fatal. Here are alcoholism signs and symptoms that indicate alcohol may be a problem:
Becoming Angry When Confronted About Drinking
Daily or Frequent Alcohol Consumption Needed to Function
Drinking Alone
Finding Excuses to Drink
Food Intake Neglect
Hiding Alcohol Related Behavior
Inability to Stop or Reduce Alcohol Consumption
Memory Loss, Blackouts
Morning Shakes
Nausea, Vomiting
Physical Appearance Neglect
Violent Episodes Occur When Drinking
When considering alcoholism signs and symptoms, alcoholism can be broadly divided into two categories – alcohol abuse and alcohol dependence. Alcohol abusers may drink heavily at various times, but they have not yet become alcohol dependent. Alcoholism signs and symptoms for alcohol abusers can be problems that happen while being intoxicated such as drinking and driving, violent episodes, or missing appointments, work or school.
Alcohol dependence can develop over the years and follows a generally predictable pattern. A tolerance of alcohol develops first, which means a person needs to consume greater quantities of alcohol before the same effects are noticed. Over time, the person may lose control over their drinking and may not be able to stop even if they want to. And if alcohol consumption is reduced or stopped, withdrawal symptoms can be experienced which can range from annoying to life-threatening.
If the alcoholic continues drinking, he or she may become obsessed with drinking to the exclusion of almost everything else. Many of the above alcoholism signs and symptoms may be noticed. The most severe kind of drinking is called ‘binge drinking’, periods of time with continuous heavy alcohol consumption.
If alcoholism continues to progress, the mental and physical health of the alcoholic can seriously deteriorate. Many of the body’s organs can become damaged which lowers resistance to disease and infections. Relationships at home or socially may become damaged, and there can be financial and legal problems due to the alcoholic’s inability to stop drinking.
If the alcoholic continues to drink, alcohol can ultimately cause their death one way or another. Accidents and related injuries, suicide, drownings and falling asleep in bed while smoking and intoxicated and burning to death are examples of the consequences of alcoholism. Health-wise, damage to the body’s organs and systems due to long-term excessive drinking means the person will likely suffer from a number of diseases and conditions such as heart disease, cirrhosis of the liver, malnutrition and cancer.
Are there different stages of alcoholism? Yes, most definitely. If the alcoholism signs and symptoms indicate that alcohol consumption is becoming or is already a problem, there are resources available to help with alcoholism and the serious consequences of this disease.
Copyright 2006 InfoSearch Publishing
About the Author:
Learn fresh about short term physical symptoms of alcohol at http://www.safemenopausesolutions.com/physical-symptoms-of-alcohol.html – Olinda Rola is President of InfoSearch Publishing and webmaster of http://www.safemenopausesolutions.com – visit the website for natural health articles, resources and information.
Source: www.isnare.com
Moonda’s drug rehab records soughtYoungstown Vindicator, OH – Mar 29, 2007Papers filed Thursday in US District Court in Akron state that the government is seeking drug records from Moonda’s 2004 treatment at Gateway Rehabilitation . For more information: california drug rehab center
Drug Rehab Los Angeles
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KNX1070State drug rehab found to have high failure rateSan Francisco Chronicle, CA – Apr 1, 2007Under the program, most people convicted of drug possession get three chances to complete rehab and kick their addictions before a judge can send them to .Study finds drug treatment under Proposition 36 a failure The Salinas Californianall 69 news articles
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A new rehabilitation program for young drug abusers in a psychiatric hospital: The Strauss Cottage Program
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Eric Clapton Bringing Together Musicians For Drug-Rehab Center .All Headline News – Mar 30, 2007Chicago, IL (AHN) – Eric Clapton is gathering some of the world’s most legendary guitarists to hold a benefit concert for Crossroads, a drug-rehab facility .
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The rehabilitation of drug addicts in Minnesota
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The rehabilitation of drug addicts in Minnesota
Eric Clapton ready to rock for rehab centerSan Jose Mercury News, CA – Mar 31, 2007During her nearly one-month stay at Promises Malibu Alcohol and Drug Rehab Treatment Facility, Spears and Federline were under a temporary agreement that .
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